well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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