this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
