dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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