I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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