Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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