i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
