I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
