Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize