I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
