I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I did not marry a roomba.
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