Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
