you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Pooping to opera.
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