i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize