I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
