Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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