i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
