benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
