I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
