At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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