Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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