I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The Olympian is in my bed
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
