It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
