I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
