Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize