Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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