he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
