so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
