i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You are a genius and a whore.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
