We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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