I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
