OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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