I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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