What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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