All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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