he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
