I think im going to throw up on grandma
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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