I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
