I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
