She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
