I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize