Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
