I hate your face
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
