Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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