I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
