I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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