Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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