Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
