And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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