Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
