So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
