True but thats because hes a fetus.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Actions speak louder than pants.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
