the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
