I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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