I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
