Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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