Can i not drive my cunt home
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
