He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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