Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize