Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
