No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
