you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
