I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
