I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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