Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
