I hope mine doesn't look like that
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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