Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
