Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
