this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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