My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
How's work?
Spinning.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
