I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
