Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
