you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
