dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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