i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
