The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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