There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
