she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
