Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
