I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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