he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
