Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
