You smell like stripper and shame
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
