we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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