This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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