We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
