Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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