this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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