In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
