Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
