she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
last night I used snow as a chaser
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