My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
